Bad mom?

Since I had surgery in late October life has changed. I have been tired and really not able to do the things that once were part of my day. I have told patients myself after surgery that rest is the best medicine but having to tell yourself and listen is HARD.

I am thankful for the many friends and family that have either made us dinner, had us over for dinner, sent cards, sent flowers, came to our home to clean and to those of you for your prayers. I am most thankful to my husband for everything from doing my dressing changes to doing the dishes, he is truly amazing and in my opinion could make a good nurse!

I am also thankful to my children, for their patience and compassion. Carliegh and Maddy really stepped up to the plate and pitched in where they could and really attended to my every need. They didn't fight AS much as usual which stole my heart!
I felt really BAD for our youngest. Before surgery when I had days off you would find us doing crafts, baking cookies, reading books and so on. AFTER surgery I did alot of "holding down the couch" while she played quietly or watched TV. She would tell people that her job was to look after me and she really did. She would get me water, cover me with a blanket and rub me. I felt terrible that I was not capable of doing "our" special things together.

One morning not too long after surgery I decided that she would have a good day! I made cupcakes and let her decorate with what ever her little heart desired. I didn't care if she made a mess. I didn't care when I would be able to clean it up. I didn't care how much icing went on the cupcakes and how much went in her mouth- ALL that mattered was her having a good day!

At the end of the day EVERYBODY won... Peyton made beautiful cupcakes and was as proud as punch showing them to everybody, I was able to feel like a "good" mom, and Trent and the girls were thrilled to have cupcakes with gobs of icing!

Halloween

This Halloween I found myself begging my Doctors to go home... I had major surgery on the 29th of October and was to be in the Hospital for at least 4 days. The thought of me not being there to see the girls in their costumes made me crazy. After much persuading I was able to convince the surgeon that I would take it easy and follow his directions. Trent came to pick me up and I was able to watch them get ready and leave the house with big smiles ready to trick or treat!

PS. We don't have pictures of our oldest because she is apparently at the age where trick or treating isn't a family thing and she chose to go with her friends after school.

The hair cut

I never thought the day would come when we could actually bring her to the hairdresser for a HAIRCUT! The day she was born she had like 5 strands of hair , each year it would multiply although staying extremly fine and whispy. So imagine my exitement when the day finally comes that we can cut it! Sounds weird- we wait for 4 years for it to grow then in one flick of the scissors it is all but gone! Actually I think her new hair cut suits her very well and she is as proud as punch! Hey ya never know - maybe we should book another hair appointment for 4 years down the road!

Good-Bye Grandma xo

My mom had called me from Red Deer, Alberta on a Monday stating that my Grandma had taken a turn for the worst. It was not a total surprise as she has suffered greatly from congestive heart failure for the past 6 months and had been hospitalized numerous times as a result. Peyton and I jumped in the truck on a Tuesday morning and drove to Red Deer and went to the hospital to see Grandma that afternoon. Grandma never complained although I could tell that she was struggling with every breath and craved more oxygen. I held her hand and brought her ice water, Peyton kissed her and had quite the conversation with Grandma's room mate. I told Grandma that I loved her. Grandma kept saying over and over "Why won't he take me? I jsut want to go!" and I would say " He is not ready for you yet Grandma."

My Grandma is and always has been devoted to her church and Jesus. As a child I can remember her playing her organ to a hymn book. Her bible literally had wear and tear and was never far from her. I swear she could recite the entire bible! A few summers she had taken my cousin and I to "Convention" at the time I thought it was terribly boring and didn't really understand alot of what had been spoken but just the same enjoyed being with other children and learning new things. The relationship that she had with God I never really understood until now.

That Tuesday night My mother and I went down to the hospital to spend some time with her as she didn't want to be alone and was asking for me. The nurses must have known that the end was near because they had put her in a private room. Grandma looked tired and was slowly deteriorating before our eyes. I had asked the nurse if Grandma could have a sedative as she was anxious and scared. She had settled down just before 9 pm and so mom and I sat there a tried to sing. At first we tried to remember a few songs from bible school (ex- the B-i-b-l-e, that is the book for me...) I know- silly! Then we tried to recite the Lords prayer... We really tried to make Grandma proud! When we couldn't think of any more songs and gave up on remembering the Prayer we sang Christmas Caroles- I know- silly! Just when we were at a loss of what else to sing in comes this angel... Her name is Anne and she is one of Grandma's friends from church, she had the most calm voice and she really looked like an angel! We asked Anne if she could sing from Grandma's Hymn book and she did with the most angelic voice you had ever heard, Grandma stopped moaning (probably because she was sick of hearing mom and I!) and went to a calmer place while Anne was singing. With Grandma settled we washed her up and have her a big kiss and told her we would be back in the morning. We had told the nurses to call us if she needed anybody overnight. Grandma went to be with the Lord a half an hour after we left that night.

I am thankful that she waited until I had been there and been able to share such a beautiful evening with her. I know she is in a better place and that God had welcomed her with open arms.

The next morning the family was teary and Peyton being only 4 really didn't know what everyone was crying for. I had told her that God had taken Great Grandma to heaven. She pipes up and says "Is god a boy or a girl?" ps. this is totally embarrassing... I really do see bible school in our future! I said" He is a man" she looks up at me and says " He really knows the way to Heaven?" and I said "Yes, of course he does." We had many people come to visit after Grandma had passed and she told everyone that Grandma went to heaven and that God knew the way and that Grandma was in Heaven with our cat Blacky. My Grandma would be proud of her!

My Grandmother was born July6th 1921 in Rimbey, Alberta. She was a mother to two sons, Grandmother to 4 , Great Grandmother to 6 plus one on the way. She was a friend to many. I always had such a respect for her as I knew she had worked so very hard when my dad was young and her husband had passed at a young age in a farm accident leaving her to care for 2 young boys and a farm to run. She did it without complaining and I know that she did it with God's hands. Even on her death bed she was worried about the people around her not herself. For years we had made fun of her for keeping 12 turkey carcasses in her freezer and dozens of banana's and saving every bit of left over but when you understand how hard she had worked and what she went without just to raise her boys and keep her farm-- I get it- I finally get it!

I will think of her often and remember all the good times, I will remember her smile and her gentle soft hands! I love you Grandma and will miss you so very much... I know you are in Heaven watching over us all. Till we meet again~

Finally! Sleeping through the night!

As I was laying in bed last night I was thinking...mmmm, I don't remember the last time Peyton has woke up during the night??
You see: Peyton has NEVER slept through the night and she is almost 4 years old. I spent our first year together out in the living room with her bassinet and me sleeping on the couch because she would only sleep 20-30 minutes at a time and Trent would have to work early in the morning. It's not even like she had her days and nights mixed up- she wouldn't even sleep during the day.
Things got a little better after her first year but she still managed to need me or something in the middle of the night. I tried every advice that people would throw my way and NOPE she still would not go through the night.
Well life really must be busy because I really don't remember when she started sleeping through the night, perhaps a month or two ago?
I remember literally praying to god some of those sleepless nights that she even sleep through 5 hours, and he did answer my prayers almost 4 years later, but looking back I had some of the most tender moments just her and I on those sleepless nights pacing the floor,soothing her, and loving her. So I assume that god knew what was best for us after all~

Domestic Goddess- or not.

Well today was a day where I really tried to be a domestic goddess- TRIED is the word of the day!

I tried to make bread... A friend from work had given me the most amazing recipe for pumpkin, sunflower bread and I said to myself " I could totally do this!" Don't get me wrong I love to cook and bake but have never really loved making bread or pastry.(maybe because my mom has already nailed down first place in that department.)

So I gather everything I need and make this bread (it looks great- it even rises!!) I divide the dough into 2 loaf pans and stick it in the oven - I ask myself "I don't remember if I have to let the bread rise again before baking? " mmmmm - thought about for a bit and then hucked it into the oven.

I turn the oven light and see my masterpiece - golden brown, smelling sooo good.... I take it out of the oven and I nearly broke my wrist! It was REALLY heavy. So maybe I should have let it rise again before baking??

My bread was cooling on the counter and I had to see if it tastes just like the loaf my friend has made for me. I spit it out! The sunflower seeds were rancid!

I really did put all my effort into making this bread... It looks really good and it smells good but unfortunately you don't want to eat it!

Lesson learned!

I have been thinking alot lately of all my "new nurse" moments. I graduated from College only one year ago so I am still fairly new at the game. I will NEVER forget the time that we were in our third semester and having to do a shift on the surgical floor in a big city hospital, by this time we had pretty much seen it all and smelled it all.... but nothing could prepare me for this.







My partner and I were working together on our patient and performing HS care, (you must picture us dressed up in our infectious disease suits- gown, gloves, mask, and booties) We were wearing all the garb because our patient had c-diff (clostridium difficile; basically bacteria of the stool) We had learned about this in School and our teacher's had prepared us but even if they had told you it was the worst smell ever you would have never thought...





So my partner and I are getting our work done and we move down to the bottom of the patient and the smell hits you... I start dry heaving in my mask while we dig in and start cleaning up the bottom. The smell got so bad I had to move my way to the washroom as I was trying to be respectful of my patients feelings, I ended up vomiting in my mask and inhailing it up my nose and oohhh it gets better.....





I WET my pants! My partner didn't know the wiser till I came back out and asked if she could tell that I peed my pants....

Lesson learned... To wear Vicks under my nose to mask the smell!

I must say 95% of that program was blood, sweat and tears but the other was pure and genuine fun that will be with me forever!